If the Shoe Fits

Who would have thought that writing could be therapeutic?  Alright so I already knew this, but I didn't think it would be therapeutic for me.  I guess I never realized when I wrote particularly ranty posts I felt better afterward.  But after this mornings musings, the tears dried up and I felt a peace that I hadn't felt in a day and a half.  So there you have it.

I never listened to Fiona Apple except Criminal until my old room mate put some on my laptop and now I'm pretty much in love.  The album Tidal is made of awesome sauce and the best part is I can sing her range of music so it's extra fun in the car.

I was singing in the car with my mom on the way home from dinner with my brother and sisinlaw last night and she said that she loved it when I sang.  I realized that I actually sing quite well as long as its quietly.  I can't sing a lick if I try to sing it loudly, but softly it comes as sweet to the ears...at least to my mom.  She said that even though I can't sing loudly, I will be able to sing lullabies to my children and that filled my heart with joy.

I realized today that I'm leaving for LA tomorrow and have a lot to do before this happens.  I need to clean my room and the house, buy gifts for bridal shower and wedding, buy some clothes maybe since I don't really have a dress to wear, and decide what to bring for my little vacation.  I feel a bit bad for leaving this weekend since I all the sudden want to be with my parents all the time now.  They have sooo much to do before leaving and I don't know how they are going to get it all done in 3 weeks time.  I wish they had helping hands that wouldn't cost money set them up to move.  I'm sure it will all come together somehow.

02 Sullen Girl

Fiona Apple

It was a great day and sad day yesterday as my mom had an official of Fresno County make it Rebecca Parker Day in Fresno County to honor her and give her a proclomation.  There was a party at the hospital that she works at with a cake, local paper photographer/journalist, some bigwigs, balloons, and my whole family.  My mom had no idea it was going down till she walked into the cafeteria with everyone in there.  She had a huge smile on her face and laughed like she usually does.  My family laughed and jabbed her with comments of it being a holiday and no one should have to work since it was Rebecca Parker day.  I said it was so over the top that she was going down hill.  She said she couldn't believe she was going to be in the paper again after only a time span of maybe a month but was giggling too.

My heart sunk on the way home.  Three weeks people.  Three weeks and they are gone and I won't go home for dinner or chit chat after work or see movies with them or go to Los Pepes for some awesome mexican food or see my mom at work and here her call me and say, "Hi Beautiful" every time.  I won't get big bear hugs from my dad or get to see him crack a smile when I try to make him laugh.  I won't ....i won't....

It doesn't help that I woke up early this morning with the cramps from God.  IT DOESN'T HELP THAT MY PARENTS ARE LEAVING THE COUNTRY!!!

I have to work my mom's last day on the 29th.  Why would they do that to me?  Don't they know that my work life has been entwined with her since the day I got hired?  That the highlight of my work week is the possibility of working the same day as her so I can go and see her and play with the babies?  That she has been my role model there? 

Why is this so fucking hard for me?  So many people don't live near their parents!  But I do and I love it and I love our relationship! 

Oh shies I hate days like this.  For the most part I'm okay but today is not one of those days.  I'm constantly tearing up and wanting to throw something at a wall.  I haven't been able to let it out fully and I need to.  I need a big lap to lay my head on and a hand to stroke my hair as I cry and cry.

How do you travel to and from work - personal vehicle, bus, subway/train, pedal power? What does it cost you per week in gas or fares?
Submitted by Jan.

As much as I hate commuting long distances, I drive 25 minutes to work at 0630 in the morning and 25 minutes back at 1930.  It's all freeway and most people would probably balk at the fact that I call that commuting a long distance since driving anywhere in a city usually takes at least 15 min., but coming from living in a small town and having to drive 30+ to get anywhere, I look at 30 min. as being a long time.

However I like the drive in the early mornings and watching the sunrise.  I also like watching the sun set so it's suits.

And I also don't want to think about how much gas it takes.

And I also don't want to think about the fact that I'm taking a class next semester in a different city and will have to drive 40 minutes on the opposite days that I work.  It sucks balls knowing that I live 5 minutes from the usual college that I go to but couldn't get into the class in the city i live in.  Ah well...so if life.

Yesterday I spent the day with my parents at the coast after our trip to the mountains was trashed due to plants being delivered to the house and needing to be planted.  I was so sad that we couldn't go to Ward Lake, but in the meantime I picked up an extra day at work and put in 60 hours in one week which means I'm going to get paid BANK.

At dinner we saw a US Army ship go by and that started dad regailing us stories of his Navy days.  I wish I had had a recorder because I won't always remember the details of those stories but they are some great stories! 

August 8th approaches so soon.  So soon. 

I have to get the rest of my stuff out of the house before they leave.  I also have to change all the addresses for my bank and phone etc.  Who knows what else is being sent there.  lol  And I got to call FCC to see if I have to get consent from somebody to retake my phys class since I got a D and didn't flunk flunk it.  Agh!  I hate having To Do lists.

Random thoughts as of late...

I (or any girl I would think) should never have a male personal trainer.  Though you might not bitch as much to a male about how much you want to quit, it's quite unfair to feel like a sweating cow making horrendous faces while looking up into a nice smile with sweet blue eyes.

Driving along the 99 from the beach, I saw the best ad ever created for ads.  There was a women's smile that was HUGE with a big ol' fat gap between her two front teeth and the line "Rent This Space".

After the beach trip I have realized that sand has legs and crawls into your ears and likes to stay there days after you have left.

what will i think of next?!

Our dept. won the periods something or other.  I don't even know what the trophy stands for, but if you do a really good job and patients like you then you get the trophy.  lol  Either way...here is a few of the people I work with plus the president of the company who is freaking cool.  He's a big pile of love and you feel like running up and hugging him when he's around although I would never ever do that.  ha!  I'm in the teal and looking huge but whatever...it's a good pic I think.

Medical Surgical Crew

Got an email from my Aunt a few days ago and then I replied.  It was basically asking how my life was going and how I'm dealing with my parents leaving.  After getting choked up reading it the first time and then filling out a lengthy reply, I got this email back.  Well this is actually just a small bit of the email but it warmed my heart.

   Now I know you'll want to spend as much time with your folks as you can until they go, but after that, come see me, or call me, or email me, whatever works.  I want to hold you up when your Mom can't.

Love,

Aunt Jane

I have wonderful family members even if my parents are leaving.  They live far away (well two hours but still) but I know at any moment I can pick up a phone or email or just drive and there is always a room open for me there and family to hang out with that I feel completely comfortable with.  It's pretty much teh awesome! 

After much going back and forth on the issue, I renewed my gym membership today after trying on the bridesmaid dress and it still not fitting.  Wedding is in August so I have a little less than two months to slim down a whole lot.  I don't want to crash diet this time around, but I also wish I could lose the weight super quickly. 
In time, in time.
It felt good to get back into the gym though.  I had the membership back when I lived in the city the last time and really liked it but lacked the motivation to go without anyone.  So when I found out a friend of mine has the same gym membership and not stupid Bally's like everyone else, we both jumped on the chance to go together.  So today we both plugged in our audio players (mine being my ipod nano and hers being her cellphone since her ipod wasn't charged) and jammed to music and chatted while walking the treadmill, bike, and eleptical machine for a good 45 min.  I couldn't do the eleptical machine as my knee is really messed up right now.  I don't know exactly what I did to it, but it hurts to bend and put pressure on it at the same time.  Walking is fine as well as biking if I don't put it at too hard a level, but that eleptical machine was killing it so I got off. 
Also...what the crap is with all the hot guys?  Is this where Fresno has been hiding them?  Seriously?!  My room mate and I have talked about how Fresno really doesn't have a whole lot of hot men in it, but I take it back.  Going to the gym is like going to World Sports Cafe (bar) during the playoffs.  That's motivation in and of itself.  :)

You ever have one of those fantabulous weekends that ends with you coming home and still having a couple of days off to recoup and relax from that great weekend?  Well that was me the past few days.

My good friend Stef moved a half hour away from the beach and I took the oppertunity that presented itself and drove up on Thursday late at night with another friend of mine.  Thursday night was spent unpacking, meeting the new boyfriend, and falling asleep to cable (omg i miss TV!).  Friday we went to Morro Bay and had lunch at this cute restuarant right on the beach that my friend's uncle owned so we got a discount and free clam chowder.  Then after buying huge amounts of salt water taffy, we headed back because Stef had to work the night shift.

Car friend and I (name is Morgan) went to get pedicures and found out that the city had a drive thru quicki mart.  I kid you not my friends.  You drove in, ordered what you wanted, and guy gave it to you and you were on your way after paying.  I bought some beer and orange juice to go in it and some incense and chips.  Later that night another set of friends arrived and we decided to take the convertible to get some beers and dinner.  After me getting slightly inebriated after drinking Arrogant Bastard Ale, friends and I ate some good In-n-Out (animal fries baby!) and then headed for the coast to check out the car show in Pismo.

While sitting in the back with my hair whipping into what could have turned into dreads, I had this recollection of what a friend had said to me after sitting, eating, and listening to music.  He said, "Meg...what more could we want in life then good food, great friends, and clothes on our back."  It kind of slapped my silly.  I've been bitching about money, worried sick over my parents leaving, and generally being unhappy the last few weeks but those words just took my breath away.  What more could we want?  Peaceful nights like that night and then later in the convertible really bring to home the point that superficial nonsense doesn't mean shit in making someone happy.

Now granted the fact that I was in a convertible made it more fun, but even in a crappy car without AC and driving at night with the windows down with friends would be good enough for me to be happy. 

Saturday was spent at the beach with an 18 pack of Budlight and a radio playing some great jams.  After heating up and our bladders full, we headed for the water on a hot day.  I swear I haven't literally swam in the ocean in so long.  I've pittered around the coastal line but not head in the water/salt in your eyes and nose swimming.  It was glorious.  Later that evening and watching the sun go down over the ocean with a bonfire, I felt again the great feeling of kinship with people who you love and could learn to love over time. 

Sunburnt and broke after I returned home, I still get to look forward to spending one more day with Stef before she heads back home at the In-n-Out Company Picnic.  Free water park, free food, and friends.  It's only Sunday and I don't have to be back at work till Wednesday.  That's freaking awesome.

http://perezhilton.com/2008-06-19-two-faced

Why I dislike the man even more.